“Twenty Ten Twenty Fourteen”. That’s today. A red letter date in my personal life history. Actually, an end of an era for me. The era of my dreams, of a life where I was the centre of the universe and everything moved around me, with just one purpose: to please me.
It all began in Bengaluru – the possibility of living my dream life. I spend hundreds of hours immersed in that fantasy which only rich or madmen could aspire. I decided to have an extraordinary life – filled with fun, fame and fortune. My pragmatic self tried innumerable times and very unsuccessfully to suppress my imaginative self. And then one night; Blame it on 20s passion or too much of hallucination (read True Detective, weed, etc); I plunged into the sea, promised to never return to the big, black ship.
It was a difficult time for me. I roamed a bit, wrote a some, thought a lot…I went into depression, determined to fight the whole wide world with all its constituents, not forgiving even my relatives and friends. I found little bit of solace in films, fictional books and biographies of eccentrics. In between I dwindled with career options – Films to Rural Development to Public Policy.
Cut to today, i.e., 20th October, 2014. The city is Hyderabad. More than 6 months have elapsed since I decided to swim alone. In my father’s words, “at least being engaged is better than being unemployed” which I found strong and interesting. Hyderabad embraced me. No, NNT embraced me with open arms and regular brainwash. And I discovered a new, unfounded anger inside me, roaring to come out, which I allowed…
In some ways, I’m happy. Glad that I did not have to struggle in an uncertain, ruthless lifestyle. Sure, I’ld miss the fun, fame & fortune but I’ll have repose, respect, & realism. I would have to be content with the 3 Rs. Maybe in next life, when I’ll reborn in a Kapoor or Khan clan, I’ll possess the 3 Fs.
We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope
Till then, Tata! I’ve got some very important work to do to make the best of my present life, considering my socio-economic and intellectual standards.